TTTM-028_StarWars“May the 4th be with you” always makes me see Sylvester the Cat dressed up in Jedi robes. And since today is Star Wars Day, we wanted to provide a fun post to combine two of our favorite things: sys admins and Star Wars. To the ‘normals’ that are out there, some of the things we sys admins do make us look like we have Jedi powers. And since we all occasionally play mind tricks on the weaker minded of our peers (and managers) this seemed like a perfect way to enjoy the day. So without further ado, here are 30 Star Wars quotes to fit any IT situation.

1. Mind tricks don’t work on me. Only money. No money, no parts, no deal!

We’re going to start our list with arguably the best quote from Episode 1, period. When Qui-Gon tries to p0wn Watto, he comes back with an excellent response that can be used anytime the PMO tries to get you to go along with something by spinning their words around. Try it out. You’ll love it, and they’ll be left wondering what just happened.

2. When 900 years old, you reach… Look as good, you will not.

This is useful in any situation where some n00b to the team wants to give his elders, and betters, a hard time. The sad thing is often they are too young to get this quote, from Yoda talking to Luke in Episode V.

3. The Dark Side of the Force is the pathway to many abilities some consider to be… unnatural.

I love to pull this one out from Episode II whenever I introduce a junior sys admin to PowerShell. I feel like Chancellor Palpatine talking to a young and impressionable Anakin, so I just go with it.

4. You don’t know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life.

I tend not to use this quote out loud very often, but whenever I have to delete a computer account or a user account, I do say this under my breath in my best impression of Peter Cushing as Grand Moff Tarkin from Episode IV.

5. He’s holding a thermal detonator!

Picture another admin about to format a drive, write-erase a firewall, or do something else generally destructive, and then channel your inner C-3PO from Episode V. It’s one of the more obscure quotes to use, but if you can pull it off, it’s geek comic gold.

6. I sense great fear in you, Skywalker. You have hate… you have anger… but you don’t use them.

Another great quote to use if you are mentoring a junior admin, and if you can pull off Christopher Lee’s erudite accent, you can almost see Count Dooku talking to Anakin in Episode III, right before the end. Keep your eye out on your young mentee, lest he overtake you.

7. Great, kid. Don’t get cocky.

Han Solo’s best one-liner, straight out of Episode IV. ANY time another admin likes to toot his horn over some triumphant resolution to a problem, I will pull this one out. Of course, I fully expect other admins to do the same to me, and they do.

8. I know.

You have to be careful with how you use this Solo classic from Episode V… it’s not like your fellow admins or managers tell you they love you. But if they do give you a compliment about how great you are, how proud they are of you, how impressed they are, etc., you can always reply with the rakishly improvised “I know” just before you are frozen in carbonite.

9. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son.

I do a lot of mentoring in my role, and here’s another example of a great quote to use when trying to get a young and impressionable mind to join you in your efforts. You may have to substitute father and son for something more appropriate, but you get the picture here with this critical quote from Episode V.

10. You can’t win, Darth. Strike me down, and I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

If you ever find yourself in a disagreement with the PMO, Change Control Board, etc., you can use this one if it looks like you are going to lose. It may not change things, but the sense of satisfaction you will get pulling this quote from Episode IV is almost worth losing the argument.

11. I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Darth Vader’s best–line-ever. This one sentence from Episode IV sets the tone for him throughout the series, and is an awesome way to respond to anyone who ever expresses doubt about your plan, your idea, or anything else you want to say in an open meeting. It’s the nuclear option, so use it wisely.

12. Obi-Wan has taught you well.

This is another great line to use when dealing with a junior admin who does well. This quote may have come from Episode V’s great fight scene, but you can use it as a compliment anytime someone does a good job. It’s the Star Wars equivalent of “I see your kung-Fu is strong”.

13. Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1.

You need someone to set you up for this the same way C-3PO was set in Episode V, but anytime someone wants to know the odds for success or asks you what your chances are, you can pull this one out.

14. Never tell me the odds.

Of course, if another of your co-workers is also reading this article, they may try to use the last quote on you. Your reply must be as dead-pan as Han Solo’s response, but I know you can pull it off.

15. It’s a trap!

You might find enemy ships in sector 47, or you may just be witness to your manager sweet talking a colleague into taking on some additional duties, but either way, it’s a great line from Episode VI to deliver when faced with the threat, and you don’t even have to look like a giant squid to pull it off.

16. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.

The little hand-wave Ben Kenobi used in Episode IV is what really sells this, and you can use it in all sorts of situations. It’s particularly useful when your manager wants a status report, accounting wants a receipt, or anyone else wants anything else you just don’t want to be bothered providing.

17. Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.

Here’s another quote that needs a good setup, but just as Yoda sensed fear in a young Anakin in Episode l, if you can either pull off ‘sensing’ fear in another, or if they say something like “I’m afraid that won’t work” then you have the perfect lead in to a perfect quote. Nobody likes suffering.

18. Ahh, hard to see, the Dark Side is.

Another Yoda quote from Episode l, this one is easy to work into a conversation anytime someone asks you for an update, a status report, an estimate on how long it will take to fix something, when you will get to their helpdesk ticket, when their hardware order will arrive, etc. Follow it up with the ‘Grover laugh’ Yoda used in Episode V for the classic close.

19. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Now work with me on this one. Han Solo disparaged The Force early in Episode l, and I like to pull this one out whenever someone wants to talk about vendor support or, worse, community forums.

20. Don’t get technical with me.

If you really want to shut down someone who geeks out too much in an explanation, deliver that line in your best C-3PO voice. It helps if you picture R2-D2 whistling and chirping as you say it.

21. It’s against my programming to impersonate a deity.

Ah 3PO, you had some of the funniest lines, and you didn’t even know they were funny. From Episode VI, you can use this anytime someone asks you to do something amazing or to pretend you have more authority than you do, especially when dealing with vendors.

22. R2-D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer.

Any time a colleague connects to a foreign system, either through the shell or a web browser, I like to pull this C-3PO quip from Episode V.

23. Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.

This one can be rather disparaging, so be sure the recipient “gets you” and enjoys a good laugh, but when a junior admin comes up with a great idea, this Yodaism from Episode II can be a backhanded compliment as well as a fun quip.

24. Who’s the more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him?

The perfect quote for when someone questions your wisdom, yet still seems to be following your lead. Obi-Wan shut Han Solo down, no mean feat that, in Episode IV with this response.

25. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Used by various characters in every single one of the movies, this one is perfect for:

-rebooting a server

-applying a new firewall rule

-installing a patch

-changing permissions

-unplugging a cable

-standing in a garbage compactor

-practically any other situation where you are doing something you’d rather not be doing.

26. This is all your fault.

There’s a running theory that the entire six movies and everything in the Star Wars Universe timeline truly revolves around C-3PO and R2-D2, and this snarky remark from 3PO to R2 sums it up nicely, and may have more than a little foreshadowing if you buy into the whole idea that R2 is calling all the shots. Anytime something goes wrong, I like to single out a colleague and use this quote!

27. We’re doomed.

This may be one of the more obscure ones, but just as C-3PO quipped this in Episode IV, you can too anytime there’s bad news shared with the team. Only the coolest cats on your team will get this reference.

28. I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

Just as Obi-Wan Kenobi could sense the destruction of Alderaan, the best sys admins can sense servers going down, or at least they can notice when the dashboard goes red and the alerts start to flood the mailbox before anyone else does. The Episode IV quote was the first clear indication that The Force was more than just a localized phenomenon.

29. Always in motion is the future.

Another great Yoda quote for when someone asks you to forecast things, it’s just arcane sounding enough to buy you some leeway in your estimates. Yoda used it to try to calm Luke down in Episode V, and you can use it too when someone starts to worry about what they cannot control.

30. May The Force be with you

And finally, arguably the single best quote from the series, and a phrase that truly resonates across multiple generations. Using this instead of “good luck” is always considered acceptable amongst geek and IT society.

Since Star Wars Day this year is a Sunday, I hope every one of you who has to go into the office gets to wear a cool bathrobe and walk around with a Lightsaber. The rest of you should enjoy the day with a marathon of Episodes I through VI, and hit the message boards to speculate on what Episode VII may have in store for us.

And now, from the GFI Team: May the 4th Be With You!

Star Wars Day