Whenever I’m at a restaurant, airport or anywhere in town, I invariably look for free Wi-Fi access. Often, the SSID names used are standard fare.
However, I occasionally come across some really witty and hilarious SSIDs. This article features some of the top SSIDs that my colleagues and I have come across on our travels.
As always, we advise you to be careful when connecting to unsecured networks. We have all heard the horror stories of free Wi-Fi and the latest flaws discovered in WPA2 protocol make it relatively easy for hackers to intercept passwords and a lot more. If you must use an unsecured network try to use a VPN, turn off sharing and always use SSL.
1. Hidden network
The first on the list earns its place out of pure cleverness. I had to take a network trace to confirm that its SSID really was “Hidden network” because to Windows users, it looks exactly like a network that is not beaconing the SSID.
2. No Internet access
Here’s an SSID that is likely to discourage freeloaders. What’s the point of grabbing someone’s Wi-Fi if there is no Internet access.
3. Bongo hotspot
Take a close look at the spelling there, and then consider I saw this in an airport. Either someone was having fun messing with other people, or that’s a typo bound to cause some headaches.
4. I read your email
I have this phrase on a bumper sticker, and I am willing to bet this is a pretty effective discouragement to people casually trying to leach bandwidth.
5. Stop using our Internet
I guess this probably came about in an apartment complex or dorm full of poor college students looking to save a buck.
Of course, when a more polite lowercase request doesn’t turn the trick, all caps shouting will.
7. La Quinta guests, not Marriott
The two hotels might have shared a parking lot, but apparently not an Internet circuit. I found this one on a recent trip to Texas.
8. The NSA monitors this network
More funny than ironic considering I saw this one long before anyone had ever heard of Edward Snowden.
This one is pretty popular, listed on dozens of webpages but also one I have seen myself in at least two different states.
10. HackedAP and SecureAP
Coming off the same AP, “Hacked AP” was open, and “SecureAP’ was using WPA2. I think “Hacked AP” was just an open guest network, but I wasn’t going to try it.
11. free wifi
But it was secured. Ah, the irony.
12. Pretty Fly for a WiFi
Here’s another one that comes up on several Internet pages but that I have also seen “in the wild”. You have to admit, it was a pretty catchy song!
13. FBI Surveillance Van
I’m thinking there’s more irony than truth in this one, but you never know. That white panel van has been parked out front for a couple of days.
If you don’t know what a honeypot is, you probably don’t want to try to connect to this network. It’s bound to look tasty, but be full of nasty little surprises.
15. NO WIFI FOR YOU!!!
Seinfeld fans will remember the Soup Nazi character. I can’t help but believe that this SSID was inspired by him.
16. Get off my LAN
This play on the “Get off my lawn” meme is pretty clever really.
17. The LAN Before Time
I loved the TV show that must have been the inspiration for this.
18. And we shall call it…The LAN
If you’ve ever seen Firefly, you know exactly why inspired this SSID. If you haven’t, GO WATCH IT NOW and then come back to this post. Go ahead, we’ll wait.
19. This LAN is Your LAN and This LAN is My LAN
These were a matched set of SSIDs coming off the same AP. Presumably the open “Your LAN” is a guest network and the closed “My LAN” was the main network. Of course, non-Americans might not catch the snarky reference to an old patriotic song.
20. It Hurts When IP
I’d suggest penicillin to the owner of this SSID, because his or her sense of humor is infectious. Ha! See what I did there?
21. Encrypted for Your Pleasure
I think we can see a pattern in the mindsets for certain wireless network admins.
22. Untrusted Network
Here’s a funny one. Who would be willing to try to connect to this one? Well, I would be, but only with your laptop.
23. Use this one mom
I found this one online, and according to the story, the writer had to use this SSID so his mother would stop asking which network she was supposed to use.
24. No Wi-Fi No Cry
I hope there are enough Bob Marley and the Wailers fans out there to get as big a kick out of this one as I do.
25. Virus Detected! Do Not Join
I’m pretty sure your operating system isn’t capable of detecting and warning of malware on a Wi-Fi network, but I bet this is enough to keep many users from even thinking about connecting.
26. Series of Tubes
Well at least we know it’s not a truck, amiright? This homage to Ted Stephens cracks me up every time.
27. That’s what she SSID
We’re back to some slightly adult humor here, and the play on the way overused punchline breathes just a little more life into the catchphrase.
28. Access Denied
Here’s one that is pretty good at discouraging users from trying to connect.
But the question I have for this one is: Did somebody set us up the bandwidth?
30. Mi-Fi, not your-fi
Is this funny enough in your estimation to count as a pun? Yes or no, I get a kick out of this SSID and wish I had thought about this one first.
31. I feel naughty
I am thinking that, once again, there’s just a little TMI behind this SSID, but maybe he or she just has an inside joke for this one. It’s another that I have seen in more than one location.
Now what about you, dear readers? What are some of the funniest SSIDs that you use yourself or have seen during your travels? Share them with a comment, and let’s all get a good laugh going.
SEO exercise: New award-winning storytelling podcasts for iTunes and Spotify